THE NOISE YOUR SOUL MAKES.

 At some point while living in the void, I've written my soul to the ashes of my entire past, present and future. Risen as a phoenix to the lies I've known and the truths I've always thought. I've known how to hide my debilitating nature to the presence of my emotion, my greatest super power. I hold my magic hostage for rainy days, or perhaps to keep my silence for when tragedy strikes. 

I've been derived from my own internal chaos, shoved deeper into the hole I've intuitively perpetuated. I've lost count of all the marks and signs telling me to ''slow down or let it go or just do both''. 

I mimic a little girl trying to fill up space in shoes that are too big, compensating for not compensating enough, feeling guilt for feeling guilty.

A one hit wonder sometimes with my writing but a wholesome drive-through for everybody's use, loving without asking, demanding, expecting. Only to give until there's absolutely nothing left.

I can paint my deliverance into canvas-like demonstrations, experiencing the strokes of my brushes collide with the storm that is me, leaving all the beauty of my entire being cold, bare and stranded... A portrait unfinished and never touched again. A beautiful pause.

Now what do I do when I've died to save my heart from the loneliness of never finding you, my match. The absence of a willful vessel, a joy deprived figure all because the years took and took whenever they added on. Perhaps I'm a rolling stone to those who misunderstood and misused my spirit, therefore waiting for you to be the saviour I so craved as a little girl.

I'll trade my usual flare and endurance for the mental torture, thinking of how the heat escapes the body during the execution of a sloppy oral, or what pressure feels like from the top of my spine downwards whenever my last one bent my body, obedient to him my past master, legs and feet spread and palms pressed to the earth, violently clothed with a passion shared from a temporary madness but for a short while... 

I had to tell you how good it feels to finally feel things that don't rip my soul apart,.