TO SPEAK IS TO FEEL, AND TO FEEL IS TO ACT.

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I think somehow my one fear almost came to pass, that I'd stop wanting and even knowing how to write. I think somehow I thought too much about it until I got comfortable convincing myself I'd forgotten completely. 

 Anyway, that's not what I want to share. So I realized over the past 4 months that life is quite funny to be honest. It is always playing some elaborate joke in between all the chaos of life. Look at me, completely shifted from what I thought was my reality last year. I can't even lie to myself and pretend I'm whole and untouched. My different, my change is rather scary this time around. The thought hasn't turned to feeling yet; that I can change again and understand love as a better person.

 Here's what I'm talking about.
Last year I spent a majority of my time being what I would call 'a spokesperson of Love'. I think a lot of us experience a little drift from the feeling and the act of actual love. I've accepted that for me, it is a learning curve. I pride myself with the fact that I'm generally aware and conscious of it. Love is a weapon, it wields the power to nourish and grow or to kill and destroy; either way, a weapon by any means. 

 I have a deep disdain for the promises that come with love. What is so different really in the conversation, the feeling and the act?  That's how it starts right? Boy meets girl, they converse, they fall in like, then in love... Now, let's talk about the act. This part is usually deluding to me. I find that of all the 3 processes, it should fall in its place as effortlessly as the feeling. I mean think about it, half our generation is more or less appeased with the feeling and the picture of love and the act of loving doesn't seem to be much of a priority. I've said how everyone is entitled to their own version of love, seeing as it has no fixed explanation or definition and even formula; there's no set procedure on how to conquer love.

 I did learn something though, all action is intentional and purposeful. The guy that brings flowers, the guy that calls to say nothing, the girl that holds him like she held the world, the girl that cried when he couldn't. Even the guy that forgot an anniversary, the guy that cheated, the guy led her on... all acts consciously carried out. So I don't get it, is it a lack of honesty to ourselves and each other? Are we disconnected enough to dissociate these 3 factors, The words, The feeling and The Act or are we just oblivious to the concept of love as a whole?  

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