DEAR NEO

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I realize just how much I enjoy learning from others. I spoke to Neo today (almost all day) about our different lives and let me tell you something, I don't take these types of talks lightly. So, back track to 2016, this girl asked me to give her my black dress (which I was wearing at the time) and she kept asking for it every time we'd bump into each other. So fast forward to 2017, I made a decision that landed me where I am today. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. Neo and I have this in common. I spent most of my 2018 being anxious about what people would say or think about the decision to leave varsity to go to another one. Here's what I told myself:

- Life does not sit and wait for you to be ready to be who you were meant to be: I realized I grew up being judged so much that I was doing it to myself, which hindered my hesitation to step out of my shell and make choices that I would reflect on and feel at easy with myself.
- I am the one suffering just being in an environment I don't want to be in: By nature, I'm not a steady person; I don't do well with patterns that don't seem to change at all and being in one place for too long. The fact that I hadn't been there because I wanted to, added on to my feeling stifled and stagnant.
- What will I use this degree for?: Now this really shook me the most. I was studying development studies, which I liked but I could not understand why I submitted to it. It did not feel creative enough for me and honestly, if I was going to spend years getting a degree, it had to be worth it even if I spend 10 years trying to get it!
                        And many other things really...
When my aunt and uncle died, I thought of my own death. I didn't want to die a sad person doing things in my life for the sake of securing a degree. That hole, I needed to fill myself by any means necessary. When everyone else leaves, there's me and me alone and I need to look out for her. Neo, I admire myself for being courageous enough to make this decision, especially because it almost ruined thee most important relationship in my entire 22 years of life. I'd love for you to do the same for yourself, because it is done now. You are where you want to be and it is more than what others get. I know a lot of people pursuing qualifications they aren't passionate about, and most of them can't do much about it like you and I have. I'm happy for you and thank you for reminding me of something that made me understand that I deserved far better and why I am where I am.

 Love, Kaht.

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